CheapThrills

Cute boys, the boring lives of 12 year-olds and Barack Obama

With all the “That boy is sooooo fine!” “I’m going to sneak behind my mom’s back and start shaving my legs” “I can’t believe my best friend is going to try smoking… now I have to try too” “I think Bobby brushed my hand in Meeting For Worship (Quaker School, gotta love it) moments, being 12 was internally both exciting and excruciating.

But outwardly, it was boring as hell. Couldn’t date, couldn’t drive, couldn’t see any good movies, couldn’t party. The best option was to walk around the neighborhood (or, on your lucky days, the mall) and semi-flirt with Starter jacket clad boys / talk about the things you wish you could be doing if you were allowed.

And of course, there was always the option of sitting on the floor in a bookstore, drinking Café au Laits and riffling through magazines... which is what I did practically every weekend with my best friend in the whole world (who I just found out is moving to Ghana!!!).

We’d always go for the Big Three: Bop, Tiger Beat (which now appear to be one in the same) and the (apparently now defunct) Big Bopper. We’d spend hours crouched in the brand new Borders at the top of Philly’s Chestnut Hill, searching for posters of our favorite guys. Both of our bedrooms were wallpapered, floor to ceiling, with these touched up glamour shots – I even had my walls sectioned according to the crush.

I also kept a scrapbook, entitled (fittingly) The Cutest MEN of 1994. It housed all the greats of my time: Matthew Lawrence, Mike Vitar, Gabriel Damon, Luke Perry, Boyz 2 Men and my mega-crush, the late Jonathan Brandis - who actually signed my scrapbook after I stood in line for hours to meet him at the Philadelphia Car Show (I had the image to the right plastered on my wall for years... sigh).

Anyway, this Tiger Beat cover shown below is from ages ago, I know, but that doesn’t really matter for the purposes of this post because I’m still thinking about it. The whole thing is hilarious, no question, but isn’t it also borderline inappropriate for a teen (really PREteen) rag to feature a 47-year old man? With a caption placing him in his shower? NAKED? And the promise of MORE PERSONAL facts?

It’s too easy to imagine myself meticulously cutting out Obama smiling faces from magazines, taping them into my scrapbook and scribbling the caption “Obama is SO fine!” in purple marker next to each one. Because, for realz, that Giant Obama Poster would have definitely made it to the wall. Which is ridiculously ridiculous and just a tad terrifying.

Related:
The Black Snob
The Onion

Some inspirational blog posts, through the eyes of an ad girl

I’m a copywriter at an ad agency here in Boston. For me, it’s always great when my words come together with kick-ass art direction to create a memorable piece of work. But it’s always hard to develop something that’s totally unique and badass, something that says everything I want it to. There are just many hurdles and loops and reviews to jump through. I’m sure this is the case with any job, really, when you’re working for a large company. I’m not bitter or anything—it’s totally understandable.

But it’s why blogging is so great. Because when it comes right down to it, bloggers can pretty much get away with anything they want. I read so many blogs, and what I love most is when a post title brings out something crazy in the paired image, or vise versa. It’s the marriage of copywriting and art direction at its raw and unadulterated best.

Here are a few examples that have had me cracking up for days.

 From Jezebel about a month ago.

She just seems so proud of her footwork.  

From HuffPo about a week ago.   

Down with hot coals! 

 From HuffPo, the same day.

Hello, Nosferatu.  

From CNN's Political Ticker 

And finally, there's this one. Seriously, whoever took this photo is a genius and a visionary.  

Happy V-Day from Ryan to you!

My favorite e-card site appears to be experiencing heavy traffic - but I got on long enough to send this to a special someone (and grab a copy for my blog).

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends. Hope it's not too anticlimactic.

How do you talk to God?

Seems like I’ve been talking to God a lot recently. It’s nice; feels like I’m calling up an old-time friend who moved overseas when we were both really young. We chat, we laugh, we gossip, we share our hopes for the future.

Looks like I’m not the only one addressing God like (S)He’s a normal dude(ette). These kids are on point.

I feel you, Ginny. President's Day just doesn't cut it.

Or my cowboy boots.

Ryan's birthday jig, brought to you by my Flip

Wow, little Flip. Your small size and simple nature do not keep you from producing quality work. We can all learn a thing or two from you.

Umm, oh yeah! Today's my birthday! And I plan to spend it doing the things that I love. Like laughing. So, my dear readers, I invite you to share a quarter-century giggle with me (25 = new age bracket box. Both terrifying and... terrifying. Like this dance).

Clinton's kindergarten team uncovers more Obama secrets: View them HERE first

The Clinton team is live and on the scene investigating these skeletons that may or may not be in Barack Obama’s kindergarten closet. Beware, the outcome could be shocking.

1. He forgot to feed the class guinea pig. Twice. He might have been trying to starve it.
2. He played boys kiss the girls at recess one too many times.
3. When drawing his family, he color his dad in with a green crayon instead of a brown one, thus proving his discomfort with his race.
4. At naptime, he only pretended to sleep.
5. His mom used to sneak inspirational notes into his lunch. They must have been planning his presidential bid... together.
6. Evidence shows that he may have toted a He-Man lunchbox.
7. He didn’t want to hold hands with the boy who picked his nose. That clearly puts his character into question.
8. During a spelling bee, he spelled president right... way too advanced for a kindergartener. Suspicious.
9. In his class picture, he’s wearing a sweater with a donkey knitted on it… front and center.

Obviously, she’s hired the best team to go through his elementary school files. I’m sure Clinton campaign donators are glad their money is being well spent.

Chicago Tribune, great blog post: http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2007/12/hillary-as-kind.html

That time we fought Hurricane Noel... and won

On Saturday, Hurricane Noel smacked Boston with cold rain, strong winds, and general outdoor discomfort all day long. And just my luck, my father also happened to be visiting me from Philadelphia. We had originally planned to go apple picking at Russell’s Orchard in Ipswich (home of Big Boy, the most enormous hog I’ve ever seen in my entire life) and then walk around the North End so that my dad could pretend to be a Patriot fighting the colonial powers (he likes doing that sometimes). But hanging from trees and wandering the winding North End streets seemed daft activities for such inclimate weather.

There was only one solution: Good Time Emporium!

Though the floors are a little sticky and the beer is served in plastic cups, Good Times is the ultimate rainy day spot. Located in Somerville (I know, I know, you’re thinking Somerville is like a million miles away from Boston, right? Wrong-o, it’s only about 10 minutes up Rt. 93), the place has got it all. It even has disposable cameras for sale--only golden memories are recorded by way of disposable camera, we all know that. Here’s a rundown of all the goodness that Good Times offers.

Ryan’s checklist for fun!

• Arcade games: check (they even have a virtual jumprope and Dance Dance Revolution EXTREME)
• Air hockey: check
• Ping Pong: check
• Pool: check
• Batting cages: check
• Bumper cars: check
• Go-Karts: check
• Laser Tag: check
• Darts: check
• Bowling lanes: check
• Mini basketball court: check
• “Down the shore” (Philly-speak for Jersey shore) boardwalk games… you know, the ones that cough up those red tickets redeemable for everything from candy bars to flatscreen TVS: check
• Keno, scratch cards, lottery (to indulge your inner gambler): check
• A trillion and a half projector screens and televisions showing every sports game in the whole world: check
• Pitchers of beer: check
• Paintball: no… but Boston Paintball is right next door

As the weather in Boston quickly slips into its abysmal yearly depression, get to Good Times and show the cold who’s boss. And get there quick—rumor has it that, in its plot to take over the earth, IKEA bought the whole strip and plans to level Good Times (along with Boston Paintball) sometime next year. Booo.

Disposable camera shots

Halloween costumes continue to blow my mind

Halloween is freaking bizarre and costumes are weird.

Sexy costumes.
Halloween gives everyone an excuse to shorten/tighten/skimpify their outfit. That's fabulous. But sometimes it just goes all wrong.
   
A baggy wedding cake.

Buttcrack=sexy?

A whole other level.

Finally! Something hot and clever!

Now see, she’s got the right idea. I know at least 75% of pre-pubescent boys had a crush on Peg Bundy, even if they're too chicken to admit it.

Age appropriate costumes.
CNN is all in a tizzy because they claim kid’s costumes have gotten too sexy. Here's one they highlighted, from Brandsonsale.com.

Scary: Umm, I think me and my friend wore this exact same costume at 14. Ahh well... I guess it was inappropriate then too, but no one seemed to care.

Foreign costumes.
Cracked’s 30 Most Unsettling German Halloween Costumes list is pure gold. Here’s my favorite one… I just can't understand it. How could they go so wrong? What's this expression? Who is this?!

What was your all-time scariest Halloween costume? How about least age appropriate? Most disturbing?

Hangover prevention

I think Gatorade needs a new consumer insight to play off of, because their messaging really isn’t reaching a large, super-special group of dedicated consumers: Young Professionals Whose Definition Of Networking = Drinking Too Many Cocktails 5 Night A Week. You know who you are, and you know you down a jug of fruit punch Gatorade before passing out to prevent a morning hangover.

Gatorade! Embrace your consumers!

Also, I just think these swirly images are rad. It’s not animated (focus on one football-looking thing and the image will stop moving). Neat! Should totally be used in an advertisement.

For more scary unique ad ideas, check my man Matt Brand’s blog, BrandSpankin’.

A Man's Man? How about a Butt's Toilet?

I heard about the Washlet Clean is Happy campaign a few months ago when New York City would not allow the Happy Bottoms to grace Times Square’s billboard scene. But I didn’t realize how deep this campaign really ran… until two days ago when a colleague brought their site to my attention.

And now, well, I can’t stop thinking about the Washlet. I can’t stop thinking about the five people whose butt curves are now imprinted in my memory. Five new butts, five new happy butts… it doesn’t get any better than that.

Or does it? Visiting the Washlet site for the first time made me so overcome by – let’s say, nouns – that I didn’t have a chance to pick out all of the wonderful things that would make the Washlet such an integral part of my life. But on second, third, and fourth viewing, I really nailed down the golden points. So for a second, let’s do go through a few of them.

• First off, this site promotes interracial relationships. During the technology guy’s intro speech, notice how the older gentleman’s eyes creep over to the Black lady. It’s so obvious that he likes her.
• It’s a toilet seat that’s got more in common with my laptop computer than any other toilet seat I’ve ever encountered (and that says a lot, because I sure encountered many a toilet seat). So that must mean that my laptop is just as similar to a toilet seat—which is really great news for laptop owners when there’s no bathroom in sight.
• It uses technology (much like science in this movie trailer). Technology like “nifty technology,” “remarkable technology,” and “technological wizardry.”
• The toilet seat turns bad air into good air. Eem… I don’t know what that means, but it sounds like a good idea.
• It involves a cleansing wand made of advanced antimicrobial plastic. I think I had one of these in my dress-up bin as a little girl, actually. So I’m familiar with this concept.
• Best of all, you can try the seat at a variety of bathroom supply dealerships. Even BETTER news if it’s an emergency and the store is closer than home.

Please - oh you simply must! – visit the site. Take extra time with Technology, Washlet 101, and Happiness tabs (all playing from the same site: www.washlet.com).

Rock out with your glock(enspiel) out in London

During my trip to Europe (ooo, Flickr photos!), I actually spent about 15 hours in London (long story). While I saw virtually no British sights and spent most of my time paying cab drivers, I did manage to make it to a cell-like Austrian restaurant called the Tiroler Hut. I'm not a huge fan of Austrian food (sausages and big slabs of meet and potatoes and stuff), so I ordered the shrimp cocktail platter. And I mean, I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't very good.

What was pretty... impressive, I'll say... was the entertainment. It was like semi-karaoke but with no projected lyrics.

For example, there was this guy, an Asian man singing Italian ballads. 

And then this guy, a Brit (I think??) hollering a somewhat terrifying rendition of New York, New York (with background dancers).

And then, of course, the MC - decked out in Lederhosen and rockin' with his bells (I simply had to include the video as well, just click the photo below or the link underneath - takes a couple seconds to load).

Man Playing the Bells

If you're ever stuck in London on a business trip or something and need a place to go, maybe check this place out. Maybe. ...or maybe not.

Où est le livre ? À la bibliothèque!

Well I’m off for Paris tomorrow—my favorite little wonderland. I was a French major in college and have spent many a summer in the city, and so I’m totally psyched to visit old friends… any new ones. As it turns out, a few of my Age of Conversation co-authors from will be in Paris as well (Luc, Cedric, and Gianandrea) and so we’re planning a lunch meeting. Face-to-face! Yes!

Anyway, I think the guys over at Flight of the Conchords wanted to wish me a bon voyage, so they featured this little diddy in last Sunday’s episode. Thanks guys! I’ll be sure to scope out some musique danse a la discothèque.

Ryan's 11 (Sites I Love to Visit)

Time recently came out with their list of “25 Sites We Can’t Live Without,” and it got me to thinking about the sites that I visit regularly, sometimes even subconsciously. So here’s a quick list (there's some overlap, but I'm sure I visit the sites for different reasons).

Top 10 + 1 Crack Sites

1. CNN.com. My homepage. This crazy news site auto-updates about every minute, so it’s absolutely impossible for me to miss the fresh Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan news. I get an extra special rush when BREAKING NEWS displays in an obscenely red banner across the top of the page. Thrilling.
   
2. Superdeluxe. Great videos and original series to make you giggle. I especially love the Brad Neely comics (watch one here on my Whore World post).
3. Socialmoth. Why is it so captivating to read other people’s dirty little secrets? Here are some goodies.
4. Typepad. A homage to my blogging platform. Stats page always open (if you’re a  blogger, you know what I’m talkin’ about)
5. Facebook. Hello, my name is Ryan, and I’m a 24-year-old still on Facebook. But it really allows me to stalk keep up with old college buddies!  …that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
6. Farechase. Yahoo hit travel search right on the nail with this one. So easy to change search criteria and narrow down your preferences. Farechase is the only site that I use when I’m planning to book a flight.
7. Google. Does Google even count anymore? Who cares...I refresh my GMail maybe like a billion times a day.
8. Victoria's Secret. Oh, the sales! Though I am starkly opposed to shopping for anything with a mouse, the Victoria's Secret site offers much more merchandise than the stores do, and makes finding what you want incredibly easy. This is one e-commerce site that I approve of.
9. Craigslist. For the past 3 years, I’ve found every job, apartment, and vacation rental on Craigslist.  That’s amazing, don’t get me wrong, but it’s really the “For Sale - Free” and “Missed Connections” that keeps me coming back day after day.
10. Gawker. For my unbelievably catty side. Sometimes, you just gotta let the judgment flow.
11. Flickr. Who are those 35 people who viewed my new Photoset over the past 3 days? The world will never know.

8 Random Things About Ryan

I was tagged by my friends Cord and Arun to tell the blogosphere 8 random things about myself. So here goes...

1. When I was a little kid, I endured 13 hour hair-doing sessions. My mom and I would rent Nintendo games (of particular note, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure… which are basically the worst games ever) and watch Baywatch all day while she braided my crazy thick locks.
2. I was on The Price is Right. I got up on stage, played a game called Bonkers and won with .5 seconds left. Then I spun that wheel thing and landed 30 cents, and then 70 cents… awesome. But I lost in the Showcase Showdown. Boooo. Total takeaway: An outdoor fireplace, a grandfather clock, $1,000 bucks, and an up-close peak at Bob Parker’s make-up job. Priceless.
3. My close friends, family, and boyfriend all share one thing in common: they can make me laugh until I gush tears of joy. These days, that’s the #1 trait I look for in a new friend. 
4. I haphazardly memorize entire movies. I mean the entire thing, soundtrack and all. I might have a small movie library in my brain.
5. My fingers are longer than anyone’s I have ever met. I dare you to try to take my #1 spot.
6. My parents first met in college. My mom was my dad’s professor.
7. Before college, I only attended Quaker schools… and summer camps, for that matter. But I’m not a Quaker - oh Philly, how I love thee.
8. I traveled all over Italy by myself. Though I speak French, I don’t speak a lick of Italian. Funny though, that didn’t prove problematic. I just smiled a lot. (below, me in Rome... alone... smiling)

I've tagged 8 of my fav bloggers who I'd love to hear more about!

Paul McEnany
Mack Collier
Lori Magno
Gavin Heaton
Scott Monty
Uwe Hook
Jessica Hagy
Matt Dickman

Phobias for all occasions - Happy Friday the 13th!

Dictionary.com’s word of the day:

triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, noun:
A morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.

So this explains why large building elevators skip the number 13—the designers are total triskaidekaphobes.

(But really, c’mon, the number skipping is stupid… anyone with half a brain can figure out that the 14th floor is really just the 13th. What they need to do is build an extra floor. A frightening, haunted 13th floor, completely unreachable by elevator. You can only get there via a bloodcurdling wooden staircase, which is always on the verge of caving in and stealing your soul.)

Also, I think my boyfriend is a sufferer. Actually now that I think about it, he is SO triskaidekaphobic. He can’t even count to 13 without whimpering. He flat out refused his 13th birthday, just stayed 12 for 2 years.

So I guess this phobia is real. It’s real, it’s out there, and it’s scary.

...P.S. I have a morbid fear of the number 11. Just thought I'd throw that out there.