The election question that scares the crap out of me

About a week ago, I woke from my nightly slumber with a start. At the moment I couldn’t quite place my finger on the problem, but then over the next week it all became clear - in the form of a question:

What will happen if Obama loses?

The question hangs over my head every day. Outwardly it's perfectly obvious why - I've been supporting Obama's campaign for nearly two years. But there's more to it that that.

This election has drawn out a new passion in me, one that has boiled over into every aspect of my life. Over the past two years, I’ve completely immersed myself in not only the future of this country, but also in trying to figure out how this country defines me. It’s something that I had never done before—because, to be perfectly honest, from the year 2000 to just before this election season started I’ve felt nothing but a need to distance myself from the label “American”. Guffaw all you want, tell my I’m unpatriotic or that I’m not a “real” American, but I’ll tell you this: it was hard not to reject it after traveling abroad and hearing such anger/disappointment from our friends overseas, after watching my fellow citizens drown in a sea of filth as our President looked down from his plush leather Air Force One seat, after hearing of the lives lost, the trillions spent, and the lies sold on a crap war that should have never even come to pass. So yeah, maybe my disillusionment makes me a bad American or an angry Black woman or something.

Or maybe it’s given me the opportunity to define what being an American truly means to me, claim it for myself, and then believe in it. With all my heart.

So now I’m grappling with the question. The one that keeps me up at night. If November 4th comes and goes, and if (God forbid) Obama does not come out victorious, will I be able to keep my redefined America? Will my passion for this country survive? Or will it implode inside of me, leaving nothing but dead empty space and a shadow of a hope… 

But then I check myself, take a deep breath, and remember what my heart’s been telling me for years: everything will be okay. That ease starts with the vote I cast a few weeks ago, lives with the images from the early voting polls, and will come full circle on November 5th when the newspapers hit the stands.

What questions are plaguing you? How are you coping with your one-week-til-election stress?

Comments

[rosasparks]

It scares me, too.

In fact, I become paralyzed with the idea Obama not winning. God, he needs to win. I have minisparks and can't really handle the idea of our country being torn asunder by neo-con bullshit.

[Kimberly]

The thought terrifies and devastates me. I have felt much the way you have over the past 2 years. In some strange way, I have invested my self in this man, what he stands for, what he represents, and who he is. The thought of him losing . . . it rips at me. I would be heart broken.

Look, I know that I'll be okay if he doesn't win. I know that beyond doubt. But part of my identity has gotten caught up in this election. If he loses, it will feel like my moorings have been washed out to sea, almost as if part of me will be lost.

My hope is that he has given thought to a potential loss and is preparing to give comfort to his supporters--to give them hope in the face of his loss.

I'm sure this sounds strange to hear. It feels strange to me. In my adult life, I've never identified so strongly with a public or private figure. That's the job of hormonal adolescents. To be so fervently aligned with an individual I've never met when I'm almost in my mid-thirties seems almost pathetic. I guess that makes me an Obamabot. But he and his candidacy embody something well beyond himself and an organization. I'm optimistic regarding his chances next Tuesday, but I also brace myself for grief.

[Eek]

I am trying to remain positive and I believe Obama will win this

But man on man... the McCain/Palin supporters really depress me. They're violent :\

I worry when I hear McCain/Palin make completely insane claims... and the media reporters them as truth. This new Khaleidi accusation (radical professor! plo spokesperson!) has me incensed since he is neither! Not to mention that McCain gave him 500,000 while chair of the board of a foundation (and khaleidi thanks him in a book and in a speech!). Thinkprogress reported it and so did huff post... but CNN just described him as a plo spokesperson and professor... i'm afraid they'll keep doing stuff like this and the "low-info" voter or undecideds will vote for mccain... ugh :(

BUT, he's gotta win and he will! yes we can!

[PJB]

I am an American History professor--PhD in southern history and, yes, I shed a few tears in the voting booth yesterday. I have been enormously blessed to get paid to live and work (figuratively) in this country's past, but it's not always a pleasant place to be. I guess I'm what they call a "revisionist" historian--a social historian who works to recover and convey that grassroots history no one was much interested in until a few decades ago. My faith and hope has always been in this country's potential, what it could be--the reality of its past is thin consolation most of the time--and to see us on this precipice, the possibility of making real a promise that seemed so distant is agonizing. Like others here, I don't know what I will do if he loses, but I do know that it will kill something in my core and disappoint me in a deep and universal way.

[Bob]

I love my country with all my heart. I wore its uniform for eight years in the United States Navy. One of my very best friends died in the Pentagon on 9/11. I believe John McCain is a good man with the best interests of his country at heart. But I hope John McCain loses, and loses huge, but not for the reason many others do. I hope he loses because I believe Barack Obama is the better man for the job. I hope McCain loses huge, because then just maybe the GOP will figure out that Americans are tired of the far-right-wing, divisive, character assassination tactics they've been pursuing for the last eight years.

What scares me is that, if Obama loses, we will continue to have a country where it is okay to smear the patriotism, the character and the integrity of anyone who disagrees with you. That scares me, precisely because I DO love my country, I AM "pro-America", and I believe we're better than that.

[nadine]

I cried tonight when I watched the video. It touched me deeply in no way I have been touched before. This man has heart, grit and courage. If he loses I will have a hard time getting out of bed!!! I love him as if I know him. I am sorry that my parents are not here to see this event!!
As a woman close to 50 I want to admit, he is it for me. McLiar and company are playing on the FEARS of HIS BASE!! What is his base? If the Bradely effect happens here, we are no further along in equality then we were 40 years ago.
Our country needs to regain our status in the world. I too wore the uniform for 10 years, my husband served for 20 years and my daughter for 3 years.
The Republicans are continuing to tare us apart and are not concerned about UNITY! The Palin factor proves that McLiar is not the right man. Why do they think that WE (Blacks) have no right to the House on the Hill? Didn't we help build it? Mc has not been challenged. He was in a war, was told what to do, and did it. So where has he been tested? My heart aches for "Barry". If he looses, he fought a good fight and stood his ground. "Joe" the plumber is an ASS.

[Democrat4Mccain in Herndon VA]

i will be relieved if obama loses. I hate bandwagons and the man is just going to exacerbate our problems. I am tired of people saying McCain wants to cut medicaid, social security, SCHIp, etcs. he doesn't want to cut the programs, hes just being a candidate of hard truths. He wants to reform them so they are still there for our grandchildren. We learned a lesson from Fannie and Freddie, our failure to reform those GSEs led to this meltdown, and it ended up hurting the people who needed the most help.

As for OBAMA, the single most important factor in my vote is food prices. Before jobs, before abortion, before climate change, comes the cost of food. Obama has been on the wrong side of ethanol subsidies and bloated farm bills and even the NY TIMES and WASH POST have hit him on that. If obama can sell out to the midwestern farm lobby and shut out poor african farmers because of wasteful subsidies, what else will he not sell out for. People have made this man into some sort of saint, when McCain is far superior on reform. McCain is not perfect mind you, but for the first time in my life, I cast a vote for Republican for President.

[MJ]

I don't get disappointed for a life i never had............if Obama loses so be it........we never had Obama like candidate before and we should marvel and enjoy at the moment while we still have or the less than one week oppurtunity to see him campaign......maybe we will get another one in a life time.

[CNKeach]

I am old enough to how remember Jim Crow's "separate but equal" policies affected my elementary education before Brown vs. Board of Education, and then watch Jim Crow get dismantled bit by bit. And oh! what a time that was: Malcolm, Martin, JFK, RFK -- all inspired and inspiring men. Granted I was an adolescent-to-young adult, prone to lofty emotional swings as I watched and participated in those transformational times when the country seemed on the edge of becoming its promise. It was an exhilarating time.

And since then, after the subsequent decades of seeing my country shirk, even run away, from what the sixties revealed possible, I now have experienced the same, the very same, exhilaration, pride and, yes, hope that I felt long long ago. If Obama doesn't win, it will be a terrible shame. But many many people will remember what it felt like to be inspired by someone who reminds us of our greatness and responsibilities as decent, honest American people. This country has already changed because of Obama's candidacy. Imagine what we'll become with Obama as our president. I, for one, am determined to hold on to the sense of empowerment I've felt since Obama's candidacy, no matter what.

[Manny Stevens]

I have the same fear. As we watched McCain drop in the polls over the past few weeks, we also watched the demise of John McCain. He's like a blind old man stabbing at anything he can in an attempt to penetrate something. Obama meanwhile has been a calm stoic ship clipper ship, sailing above it all.

But what happens if the Evangelicals come out in droves? Or if people decide they need to stop a black man from becoming president at all costs and rally their toothless neighbors? It worries me too.

[Andy Freedman]

Ryan:
I think Obama will win I voted for him.But even if in a worst possible scenario McCain wins.John McCain still won't be as bad as George W.Bush(Bush was an unusually incompetent President).Remember Sarah Palin is only the Vice-PresidentLOL And because this election is so tight eventhough I think Obama will win.

If Obama loses he will only lose by around 5 or 7points.And the fact that an African-American came within 5 or 7 points of winning the Presidency,will mean that 4 or 8 years from now other African-American politicians will also be able to get nominated to run for President.

Because Obama has proven that an African-American candidate can be competitive in a national election an important barrrier has been broken.Now are you happy about the Phillies?

[Rob J]

"The thought terrifies and devastates me.... Look, I know that I'll be okay if he doesn't win"

Maybe it won't be okay, but life will go on. I see all the time, every day, McCain supporters saying they're "terrified" of an Obama presidency, and Obama supporters saying they're "terrified" of a McCain presidency. It's reactionary and melodramatic. McCain is capable of leading the country, more so than our current president, so there's nothing to be terrified about, many many people said the same thing about GWB 3 years ago and we're all still here (well most of us anyway).

That said, if McCain were to win my heart would drop into the pit of my stomach and i'd go back to what i've done the last 8 years, being an angry apathetic pessimist with little faith or pride in my own country. What Obama has brought is true hope and optimism, the belief that things really are going to change, that we're not going to pretend business as usual is working just fine anymore, that life will NOT go on as it has been. It would be a tough pill to swallow to see that go out the window, many of us felt it on election day 2004 as Kerry lost under questionable circumstances, but with Obama it will be that tenfold and the citizens of this country will be more negative than they've ever been. Scared? No. Dissapointed? Polarized? Disheartened? Apathetic? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.