CheapThrills: Guest Blog: The Lemonade Anorexia Chronicals, Part II

By Jodie Jordan

Day 4: Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Health: Can I get a definition?

11:34 a.m.
I’ve been awake for almost an hour now, and I haven’t felt any overwhelming desire to eat. Not once. Breakfast sandwich? No thanks. Crispy, warm and fluffy waffles? Mmm, I’ll pass. So perhaps I’ve really committed to the placebo affect of this “the 3rd day is the hardest day” business, or maybe it’s actually true. Or maybe I’ve inflicted enough permanent damage on my metabolism to buy some time before my body starts to eat itself again. The point is I’m not uncomfortable. And that, my friend, is worth a filling cup of Smooth Move any day.

6:45 p.m.
One of the requirements for this detoxification endeavor was maintaining a relatively normal life. I told myself that I had to keep working out, taking my vitamins, accomplishing my work effectively. Otherwise, it wasn’t worth it to me.

Today is New Year’s Day. I convinced myself that the gym wasn’t open, so I didn’t bother checking to see if I actually could go. And this is the slippery slope that concerns me. I’ve started to use the state that I’m in as a justification for “taking it easy,” for giving myself just a little more leniency with what I’m doing. I mean, I suppose if this was a more permanent circumstance, it would be a more significant cause for evaluation.

But, is this the subconscious dynamic that feeds people with eating disorders? To go easy, be lazy to maintain reserves a bit and facilitate feeling ok, but continue the harmful behavior so that working hard again is delayed?

January 2, 2008 12:02 a.m.
So, in a strange and very appropriate twist on today’s observations, I’ve stumbled upon a TLC program about people addicted to food. It’s funny, the way they describe their eating high, I feel almost similar about not eating. The hunger is a strangely powerful feeling, exhilarating almost. Being hungry has become a normal part of feeling. And perhaps I should feel guilt like they do, for not giving my body the nutrients it craves, as they bombard theirs with horribly unhealthy sugars and enriched carbohydrates. How is it different? Neither of us is getting what we need.

It helps to remind myself (or lie to myself?) that this is a detox, not a diet. It’s dangerous because I do feel thinner, and satisfied when I look in the mirror. Am I confusing my body’s deterioration with something that only appears attractive? Or is this detox actually doing its job? My skin and my eyes are clear. My face looks warm and glowing. My cheeks are flushed. I’ve been having great hair days.

I look healthy.

Anyway, I didn’t feel any overwhelming, I-can’t-do-it-anymore desire to eat today. I guess I’m getting used to it. I wonder if my mind will have a harder time recovering from this than my body will. By the time I’ve trained myself to eliminate food from the things that I want, it’ll be time to ease myself back into having it.

Morale: Didn’t think I’d still be doing this. Scarily impressed and surprised at my will power.
Motivation: The heaviest man alive bathing in bed, eating tacos, and being ok with it.

Day 5: Wednesday, January 2, 2008
I WANT COFFEE AND I WANT IT NOW

12:35 p.m.
I have an unnatural amount of energy today. Doing laundry, I ran up and down the stairs. At the gym, I worked out 70% but without struggle or dizziness. I mentioned on an earlier day that I feel thinner. And I do. But a strange phenomenon is taking place that honestly, is really unappreciated. Unfortunately I don’t have a scale, but I estimate that I’ve lost 4 to 6 lbs over the past 4.5 days. That’s a fast drop. Especially since it involves my body eating muscle to keep fat reserves (also unappreciated). But my abs, well, they have the loose skin syndrome. I feel like if I threw on a bathing suit and ran in place, I could absolutely be a worst beach body on the cover of US Weekly.

I mean, I don’t even know how to counteract that.

4:45 p.m.

Breaking News: My roommate will officially begin her master cleanse tomorrow morning. How will I benefit from this? Well, she has purchased, as required, laxative tea. The same one that I have been enjoying in fact, but hers is chocolate flavored. Yum. Simple things bring me exceptional elation.

Other Breaking News: I’ve decided that day 6 will be the last day. That’s tomorrow. That means that I can wake up on Friday morning, jump out of bed like a kid on Christmas, and sprint to Starbucks for a triple-grande soy latte if I damn-well want to! Will I do that? Hell yeah I will, and not only because I’ve had about $40 in Starbucks gift cards from Christmas burning a hole in my pocket for the past week.

More Breaking News: I’m a tid bit constipated. I’ve read several suggestions to rectify (ha ha) that.

The laxative tea. It works. But I think I’ve developed some immunity to it. My body likes to pretend that it doesn’t have to listen to anyone; I like to think of it as resilience. I’ve never been on birth control. I don’t really mess with my bodily functions at all. Now that they’re being controlled by an outside force, a sort of coup de poo has begun.
Brackish water. That’s drinking salt water, folks. You know, that thing that you go to great lengths to avoid swallowing when you’re swimming in the ocean? Also known as the easiest gag inducer of all time. For me at least.
Enema. Gross. My dramatic aversion to this might seem counterintuitive, since it accomplishes the exact same thing as my aforementioned options, but I maintain my huge issue with doing it. For dignity’s sake.

So, what’ll it be: Stay plugged up, endure nauseating salt water or shoot something up my ass? I think I’ll go with number 1. Thanks.

Morale: I’m pretty fucking hungry, ok?
Motivation: As Larry David would say, I’m looking prettay prettay good (except for the loose skin thing).

Day 6: Thursday, January 3, 2008
The Homestretch

9:40 a.m.
So, you’re probably wondering why exactly I’ve chosen to cut my detox short by one day. Well, as much fun as it is watching my skin get too big for my body, I feel like I’ve accomplished what I set out to accomplish. I didn’t cheat. I didn’t demolish any relationships via mood swings. I didn’t eat any of my friends. If I stop now, I’ll have been in control the entire time. Do I think I could go another day? I absolutely could. But, like I said before, I really just wanted to see if I could do it. And I did.

Also, I only have about a day’s worth of lemonade ingredients left. ☺

January 4, 2008 12:00 a.m.
How do I feel, now that I have but one night of peaceful slumber in between me and eating? I’m excited. I’m also relatively nervous that I’ll be so ecstatic to eat, that I will start inhaling food with no regard for my body’s rusty ability to process it.

Maybe I’ll miss my hunger. We’ve sort of bonded. And I can’t tell if I’ll be relieved or disappointed to once again set my alarm clock. Tomorrow is the last morning that my bowels will jar me awake at 8 a.m.

Morale: Satisfied
Motivation: If I gave up now, I’d have to re-evaluate my life.

3 Days Later: Monday, January 7, 2008.
So, I’ve been eating for roughly three days now. I have to say, I feel better. But I’m still not sure which lifestyle is more desirable: One where you never have to think about when to stop eating, what to eat, when to eat, how to eat. Where food doesn’t exist, except when you want it. A life where if you can train yourself to find pleasure elsewhere, it’s almost just as satisfying as fulfilling a craving for food.

OR, a life where your body can have what it needs when it needs it. Both are mind-numbingly simple and excruciatingly complex – based of course of which state you’re in. The grass is once again, always greener.

As a finale, I’ve created a conclusive Lemonade Diet pro-con list based on my experience. Hope you enjoyed the tale.

Comments

Ugh...this sounds really harsh!

There must be other detox methods!

Posted by: Dawn | February 06, 2008 at 12:54 PM

I've done the master cleanse roughly three or four times every three to four months for 4-5 days each time.. I find it a great way to get back on track and healthy feeling before going back to eating healthy.. I also find it breaks me of any sugar craving/binging I've been doing.

I'm healthy, take vitamins, eat veggies and proteins at every meal, workout and very healthy weight of 121lbs for my 5'3" frame.. so it's a good thing. I urge everyone to try it.

Posted by: Jen | April 23, 2009 at 02:29 PM