CheapThrills

Vote CheapThrills for the Black Weblog Awards!

Hey! So this is fun. I've been nominated for the Black Weblog Awards in 4 categories:

1. Best Culture Blog (ref: Boston posts)
2. Best Personal Blog
3. Best Political/News blog (ref: Obama election commentary)
4. Best Sex and Relationships Blog (well, no sex, but interracial relationships galore)

To vote for me, just click on graphic below (or the first link in this post). I really appreciate your support (you all make this whole thing worthwhile, after all) :)

Black man/White woman interracial relationships: Breaking down my judgment

Over the past couple months, I’ve been surrounding myself with people who all have something in common: they’re the least judgmental people I’ve ever known. They're: 1) unconditionally understanding and compassionate of any given situation – no matter how crazy, weird, or counter-culture it may be, and 2) TOTALLY open about their own lives, in all their outrageous and extreme glory.

How refreshing. To escape the “right” and “wrong”, “good” and “bad”, “black” and “white”.

Which brings me to my point.

During a conversation with one such non-shockable friend, the topic of interracial relationships arose. As I began discussing my own perceptions and thoughts on the subject, something became appallingly clear:

I am judgmental.

Here’s the bare-bones, no-holds-barred confession: I am shamefully judgmental of Black man/White woman interracial relationships. When I see such a couple, I immediately jump to the conclusion that the Black man is trying to prove something and the White woman is trying to piss off her family. I lump the couple into a category, with no desire to dig deeper or even accept their union.

So during this conversation, my friend commented, simply: “Why do you care what choices these other people are making?”

The remark struck me. Yes, why DO I care?  I've thought hard about this. I’m sure when my Black man/White woman aversion took shape, it sprung from jealousy. When I was a little girl, I never knew my true worth (what kid does?). I was so jealous all the time. Of White females, because, in my eyes, they’d always have something special in their pale skin that I could never have, no matter how straight I blow-dried my hair or how blond I dyed it. And of guys (all guys, but mostly Black guys), because they were always the most popular and the funniest… and most of them liked girls who weren’t boyish and gawky and frizzy-haired like me.

As time passed, I (seemingly) got over my childhood jealousies. But also, the “Black man/White woman relationship aversion” became almost second nature. An instinctual eye-roll. And coming from the Black girl who digs White guys… what a perfect storm of cutting irony.

So now I take a step back. I see many of my White girlfriends entering into wonderful, loving relationships with Black men. I see happiness and strength. And when I see a couple that I would generally stereotype cuddling on the subway or holding hands through Downtown Crossing, I really have to check myself. Why spend time passing judgment on things I don’t even try to understand? Why do I continuing to do this, with the roiling emotions of a 3rd-grader?

I've got it. The reality is that I’m NOT over my jealousies. And the problem exists in my own head, not the interracial union. Which is a tad upsetting, but also… again, refreshing.

Because I can’t understand all the complexities of others. But I can accept them. And, even better, I can bask in my God-given joy of delving deep and understanding my own complexities.

There's no place for judgment in self-discovery. So I'm kicking all those judgmental thoughts to the curb.

A closer look at Disney's first Black princess

Disney's The Princess And The Frog trailer hit the web last night (don't watch if you don't want to see spoilers). It gave me goosebumps, sure, BUT!

So maybe I was expecting too much... but I was kinda hoping Disney's first Black princess would actually remain Black throughout the whole film.

Ack. Oh well. It's just a trailer. And the prince pre-frog transformation is kinda hot (I've always had a thing for Disney princes). So I'm still excited to see the flick. How 'bout you?

More: It Ain't Cool

Black men, let’s get real

A few days ago, I found myself chatting with a few co-workers about the Chris Brown / Rihanna conflict. After a bit of a pause, one woman remarked:

“I just don’t get this whole angry Black man complex. They need to get it together.”

The strange thing about it was, everyone participating in the conversation nodded in affirmation, thus bolstering her “point”. I, on the other hand, guffawed, shook my head, and retorted, “Huh? This has nothing to do with the ‘angry Black man’ – whatever that means. It’s an abusive relationship… race has nothing to do with it.”

Surprised? I’m sure a few of you are, seeing as how I get comments like this frequently:

“Maybe my problem with the statements in Ryan's blog is that maybe she should admit that she has a bias against black men, remembers your mother and her sister both married white men.”

and

“It's truly tragic how much you hate men who share your color.”

and

“Isn't this the same person who wrote about terrified she was of sexually hyper-aggressive black males? How they scared her into those oh so comforting anglo-arms when she was a teenager girl? Suggesting that only black men eyeball and catcall women in their teens?”

Ok. We need to talk about this.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I come across on this blog to Black men. Because I care. A lot. I think about how I felt 4 years ago, when I came across the Facebook group Black Men and White Women Come Together (now defunct), or how I’d feel if I read a blog authored by a Black man who finds himself dating primarily (hi, not exclusively) White women. Did this/would this hurt my feelings? Highlight my insecurities? Anger me?

Perhaps.

But then I think about what’s real – at least, to me.

I know that I identify more with my race than I do with my sex. That might sound weird, but it’s true. I identify more with Black men than I do with White women. I think of myself as “bi-racial” before “female”. Because of this, I’ve always felt deeply connected with other bi-racial and African-American folks – men included. (!) 

I know that I’m someone who calls out the elephant in the room (I get this from my mom). In my opinion, doing so progresses the conversation past formality, to a place actually worth exploring. Because really, what’s the point of skirting around the issues? It’s boring and pointless.

I also know that discussing a topic like gender relations through a racial lens isn’t easy. It’s visceral and messy. I get that. But I’m not someone who gives free passes. So I knew I’d offend a few when I called out Black men for cat calling. But I also knew that I could have gone deeper… because there is much more to say about the public objectification of Black females (the booty-shaking b*tches, the nappy headed hos, the “come here girl” comments and over-exaggerated head turns… I mean really, let’s get real).  I make no claim that this objectification began in the Black community – just think about the Saartjie Baartman, or “Venus Hottentot” story – but somehow the Black community has managed to perpetuate it. Obviously, not all Black men do this, and obviously some White men and Latino men and whoever-else-men cat call and all the rest – but I’m talking about Black women and Black men here. And it’s an important issue for us to discuss, together.

So yes, I have quite a few concerns with gender relations within the African-American community. But that doesn’t mean I won’t defend Black men wholeheartedly when someone looking in from the outside makes an ignorant blanket statement like the one my co-worker made. A statement based on nothing but TMZ and the 7 o’clock news.

But within the community, we need real talk to move forward. Understand that I want nothing more than to uplift the race, but to do so I think it’s imperative that we address the good, the bad and the ugly. You be real with me, and I promise I’ll be real with you.

Bush-Obama face morph

It's Sunday night and this is really freaking me out.

Reflections on election journalism from Politico's "mega Obama supporter" (tee hee)

When my father emailed me asking for my definition of Politico.com, I scribbled this in reply: “Politico is a news site, but its reporters also keep active blogs.”

I didn’t think much of my response at the time. But now that I re-read my assessment, I realize it's really no wonder the site became one of my go-to sources for all things politics during this election cycle.

Why?

Well, I found that during Obama’s run, I was hungry not only for straight reporting, but also for perspectives, dialogue and active conversation. As a blogger, I developed a deep respect for the writers who posted their words online, engaged with their readers, sometimes took public lashings from the community at large, and even went to far as to make public their online contact information. People like Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic. Sam Stein of The Huffington Post. 

And Ben Smith, of Politico. Who I had the fortune of conversing with, particularly on how deeply personal this election was to so many.

So naturally, his story in Politico’s glossy Presidential Inauguration magazine (which hit the stands in D.C. yesterday and is viewable online here) is also deeply personal to me.

Not so much because of my little contribution to the article, but rather because, through his writing, it’s clear that he developed a relationship with each one of the people he mentions. The stories he highlights are ones that his readers actively sent him… over the past 14 months (that boggles my mind!). Ones that his readers felt comfortable sharing with him. In part, I’m sure, because he broke down that imaginary wall between reporter/subject, thus creating thinker/thinker relationships.

Wow. In my opinion, that kind of ongoing dialogue—new to journalism—is the key to making a story truly powerful.

Can’t wait to see the magazine in print.

I’m profiled in the Washington Post today

Washington Post: In Obama's Run, Finding A Long-Sought Sense of Acceptance

_________________

Remember last month, when Philly Daily News published my inauguration ticket request letter? Well, I still don’t have a ticket (tear)… but I do have some fun news: after it ran a Washington Post reporter contacted me requesting to profile my family – particularly for the family's “bi-racialness”, as it were.

The profile ran today, and I must say it’s pretty awesome to see my name in Washington Post print. The reporter even included a lengthy quote from this blog.

Overall, I’m very pleased with the piece. But just a couple notes from my end: 1) My mom definitely feels the significance of Obama’s presidency, it just hasn’t hit her yet. I expect her to be sobbing on my shoulder at the inauguration. 2) My daddy woulda loved to join me in D.C. – for both the historical significance of Obama’s presidency and for his own studies (he’s a professor of political framing). So it’s not that he won’t come, but rather, because he’s a professor of political framing and will be teaching, it’s more that he quite literally can’t.

In any case, the coolest thing of all to me is the fact that journalism has become such a two-way street. From blogs posted to articles published to profiles written, there’s this new fluidity to journalism that lets us all join in on the conversation. Pretty neat stuff.

Armed escorts: from desegregation to our first daughters' first day

From the Little Rock 9 to the Obama girls' first day at Sidwell Friends...

...what a difference half a century makes.

____________

More musings on interracial relationships

I noticed a funny thing while visiting my family in D.C. for Christmas. Simply put: every female in the house (my mom and aunt, who are African-American, and me and my cousin, who are interracial) was either involved with or married to a White man.

Hmm…
That’s curious.

The truth is, the topic of interracial dating is always bubbling in the back of my mind. I went out on a limb and wrote a post about it some time ago on this blog, which got me into some deep water with a few of my readers (a disagreement that I haven’t fully resolved in my mind).

But just recently, the issue resurfaced during a conversation I had with a fellow blogger (a White male) about how personal Obama’s candidacy was to many Americans. I know, I know… interracial relationships? Obama? The two are linked, sure, but they don’t really go together. Which is what made the conversation so poignant.

My friend asked me whether or not Obama was well liked among the African-American side of my family.

“Of course!” I exclaimed. “My family has always held a fondness for Obama. But what truly won our hearts – well, mostly for my mother and aunt – was his marriage to a dark-skinned African-American woman.”

“Wow, really? Even though they’re both married to White men?” My friend was baffled. “That’s… strange.”

Before that point, I had never thought of it as strange at all. But maybe it is. And after that, a troubling question began creeping into my mind: do some Black women hold an interracial relationship double standard?

Most Black women who I am close with approve of, and even cheer on, a Black female/White male interracial relationship. But one that’s the other way around evokes a feeling far less warm and fuzzy. For example, if Obama had been married to a White woman… eek. I’m sure we wouldn’t have been as quick to embrace him (and actually, I’ve talked with men and women of every color about this hypothetical situation, all of whom expressed a similar “cringe” - perhaps a topic for a different post).

I’ve been trying to figure out WHY this is for some time. Talking with my family has helped a bit. My aunt, who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s during Jim Crow, gave me this bit of insight:

At age five, I knew I was black. (At that time in 1950, the term was "Negro.")  I also knew that "my kind" of black - luscious dark chocolate - was not valued one iota.  I was in that strata of folk to be relentlessly taunted and derided - the least desirable folk in the whole of the United States of America - BLACK-SKIN FEMALES. 

Being called ugly by my childhood peers - other Negroes - was an everyday experience. …At monthly dances, (wearing my prettiest felt skirts with the poodle-on-a-leash design and for-the-occasion "straightened" hair with ever-so-neat bangs and Shirley Temple curls) no boy ever asked me to dance. Not once. No boy ever asked me for a date.  No boy took me home to meet his family.  No boy would dare to be seen with me. Far to risky.

What we did to each other is 'our shame'.

I also spoke with my cousin a bit. She grew up in D.C. as well, only during the 80’s. She hung out with and dated Black guys, but oftentimes found that many of them were looking for something “not quite her”: long nails, thin straight hair, etc. Which is the façade that most of her female cohorts put on. But she wasn’t interested in pretending, and, interestingly, discovered that the few White guys she dated were much more eager to accept her as she was – thick bushy hair and all.

So what does this all have to do with Obama’s marriage to Michelle? He’s African-American, she’s African-American – no interracial relationship there.  So why was she the reason my family members so embraced his candidacy?

Well, it’s this—a simple statement voiced by my cousin at the end of our conversation that slid all the pieces in place:

“I guess we just love men who really love Black women.”

Wow. The conversation never had anything to do with men (of any color) and everything to do with women.  Black women.

So maybe we do hold a seemingly illogical but deeply personal double standard—one rooted in experiences that go back decades. From hearing about my grandmother’s experiences as a dark-skinned Black woman in the 30’s and 40’s to my aunt’s to my cousin’s to mine, I’ve grown an intense fondness for any man who appreciates a brown-skinned lady...

...and I’m half-White. Go figure.

Obama’s Inauguration – My ticket request (published in Philly Daily News!), your plans, general craziness

These Inauguration Day tickets have taken on a life of their own. It’s like some Charlie and the  Chocolate Factory Golden Ticket madness up in here.

A virtual friend of mine (we met through a blog – so millennial!) wrote a heartfelt letter to her senators requesting inauguration tickets… and received a pair, on the spot!  That’s an impossibility today, though, because every senator and congressperson is keeping a 1,000-person wait list.

Knowing this, I decided to draft a letter of my own, send it to PA senators Specter and Casey, and also send a copy as a submission to Philly Daily News’ opinion section. And just my luck, they published my letter today!

Here’s a link to the Philly Daily News publication, and here’s a copy of the full letter.

________________________

Dear Sens. Specter and Casey,

I’m sure you’ve both heard it a million times.

What an Obama presidency represents for this country. How invaluable a ticket to his inauguration would be. And, finally, a request for one. I can’t say that my reasons for writing you are any different, or that my claim to a ticket is any stronger than the next Pennsylvanian’s.

What I can do is tell you a short story.

The story takes place in Port Richmond, Philadelphia, where my father grew up. The second oldest in a family of 4 Italian boys, my dad spent his childhood skinning his knees alongside neighborhood buddies in a schoolyard across the street from his family’s modest middle-class row house.

Grammar school became Junior High. Stickball bats became cigarette butts. And my studious father became the outsider. He was teased for his love of music, his glasses, his clothes… even his hair.

His thick, curly hair. His “nigger” hair, as the kids put it.

Fast-forward 20 years to find his 9-year old biracial daughter, me, playing with my Caucasian cousin in the exact same schoolyard of my dad’s childhood.

It’s the moment when I am first called the n-word to my face. And the moment when an inexplicable bond forms between my cousin and me. Because my cousin not only came to my aid, but he actually chased away my aggressors – who were about 8 years older and 18 inches taller than him.

I’ve noticed a new energy across the country since Obama became the Democratic nominee, and even felt it among complete strangers. It’s in the slight upturn of the corners of their mouths. In the knowing glow in their eyes. And in the pronounced statement they made on November 4, 2008.

I think of this energy as the same inherent urge to overcome ancient barriers demonstrated by my cousin so long ago. It’s also the reason why I’d like to attend Obama’s Inauguration on January 20th. To witness the strength and the courage of Americans like my father, my cousin, and the millions of strangers in between—Americans who made their will for something new loud and clear.

Because Obama’s Inauguration is a celebration of his presidency, sure, but to me it’s more a celebration of all the Americans who made this day possible.

Please let me know if there’s a ticket available for me.

Sincerely,
Ms. Ryan D’Angelo Barrett

_________________________

I’m traveling to D.C. for Inauguration Day regardless of whether or not I receive a ticket to the event. My whole family lives in D.C., and I’d be remiss to miss this opportunity to witness history being made alongside my family. But still… having a ticket would be pretty sweet ☺

What are your Inauguration Day plans?

Celebrating Obama's Blackness

Newsflash: Obama is poised to be the first (half) African-American president of the United States of America. He’s Black! Yay! (Are we allowed to celebrate that fact yet?)

I recently attended Essence Magazine’s Woman Who Are Shaping the World Leadership Summit—an event attended nearly exclusively by African-Americans. And in this company, we as a group enjoyed what I like to call “first Black president glee”... and we enjoyed it with pride and vigor.

But conversely, I’ve found that in mixed race or predominantly White company (where I usually dwell), I feel an urgency to either dampen or gloss over said excitement. To subtly sneak it in between praise of Obama’s healthcare and tax plans. Perhaps I assume that mentioning my joy, as a single-standing issue, will prompt eye-rolls.  Anger. Or worse, fear. And, judging from comments made by McCain supporter Leah Moreland on NPR’s October 24th episode of All Things Considered, perhaps I’m right.

But maybe not. Because just this weekend, I’ve read numerous stories from major news outlets  discussing the historic nature of Obama’s presidential bid as it pertains to race. One piece in particular really got me: the Washington Post profiled 3 African-American voters, all of whom are over 90 years old. Here’s a clip from the article:

Arthur Greene, 91, uses a wheelchair and rarely leaves his Arlington County home except for church on Sundays and doctor's appointments. But he wasn't going to miss this chance to vote.

About a month ago, when Meals on Wheels brought Greene his meal, they also dropped off an absentee ballot. Greene remembers growing up in Jim Crow Virginia, looking for restaurants that didn't display "white only" signs in Rosslyn or Baileys Crossroads, or being forced to ride in the back of the trolleys between Arlington and the District.

"I never thought it would happen in my lifetime," he said of Obama's campaign. "I think if I can see this and if it happens, I'll thank my lucky stars and my God for letting me live so long to be able to see the advancements of my people."

Greene spent most of his life working as an exterminator, traveling to large houses in the white, affluent Virginia suburbs such as Vienna and Falls Church. At times, some of the homeowners wouldn't allow him inside.

"I was trying to make a living the best I knew how," he recalled.

(P.S. That's not Arthur Greene pictured above. That's Ruth Worthy, 91, who has been canvassing for Obama once or twice a week in Washington, D.C.)

I know I support Obama for the whole package and not just the packaging. But, for better or worse, the packaging still makes a difference in this country. And these testimonies… wow. They hit me on such a deep level. A level no economic policy speech can reach.

And I know I’m not alone in this. Black people feel the pride, but I’m guessing people of other races do too. So let’s all try just being OPEN with our “first Black president glee”. We can all embrace it, because we all made it happen (or, will soon make it happen). Together.

Related: NYT - Obama-Inspired Black Voters Warm to Politics

Strange election anecdote from Miami Beach, FL

Just got back from a fun-filled weekend with friends in South Beach, Florida. Though dancing ‘til 5am was top-of-mind for me and my cohort, we kept two other current events at a high second: the ALCS and, of course, the presidential race.

It seemed two Obama spots ran on a loop during each baseball game: the “unravel” ad, and the one I like to call  “many faces of McCain” (an ad that I find equal parts hilarious and unsettling).

We also spotted quite a few Obama signs in store windows, Obama bumper stickers (including one on a taxi cab – is that legal?), and a bonafide Obama-gear store.

On the McCain end? To our observation, no T.V. spots running (we even tuned in to Fox News… for as long as we could stomach it) and limited support signage. However, on our last vacation day, we did run into some HARDCORE McCain supporters, out in full force.

Who were these McCain fans, you wonder? Three Black supporters! Ingenious. One – an older gentleman – was clearly native African; the other two (both women) might have been African-American. Though I didn’t get a photo of them, I did obtain one of their most peculiar fliers. It got all crumpled in my bag (oops!), but I have included a photo regardless.

I’m particularly impressed with the 5th line: “Adding ‘sexual orientation’ to the definition of hate crimes”. Obama supports it, McCain opposes it. Maybe you aren’t for same-sex marriages. Ok, fine. But to be opposed to providing protection against violence directed at LGTB individuals? That’s flat-out brutal and heartless.

And, of course, the 8th line, "US Senate vote declaring English as the official language of the U.S. Government" (McCain supports, Obama opposes). How ironic - it was clear the African man who handed me this flier spoke very limited English.

Anyway, early voting in Florida begins today. So we’ll see if these three represented a larger Miami voting block… or just themselves.

"Kill him!", "Terrorist!", "Sit down boy!" - Sounds from the latest McCain/Palin rallies

UPDATE: (10.9.08) Just found this on Ben Smith's blog over at Politico. Man-on-the-street interviews from a McCain/Palin rally in Strongsville, OH. 

Secret Service is looking into the "KILL HIM" threat yelled during Palin's rally in Clearwater, FL. No thanks to the McCain/Palin campaign.

__________________

I attended two Obama rallies during the primaries. At each one, Obama made a point of praising Sen. Clinton for her many achievements, calling her a worthy opponent. At one of the rallies during this praise, someone in the audience booed. No words, no threats. Just a boo.

Some audience members chuckled. Obama paused, furrowed his brow, shook his head...

And flat out condemned the negativitiy. Like, denounced and rejected it.

So when I see stuff like this from McCain/Palin rallies, it royally pisses me off.

McCain, seriously? Someone calls Obama a terrorist at your rally, you take a pause, let the audience bask in their laughter and excitement, and then go on to condemn the "angry barrage of insults" that come out of the Obama camp? Really?

Oh, and let's not forget about that Palin rally in Fort Myers yesterday, where a supporter shouted a racial epithet at an African American sound man for a network and told him, "Sit down, boy."

But worse yet, the "Kill him!" proposition that came from a supporter at a Palin rally in Clearwater, FL. Seriously?

It's beyond gutter politics. It's criminal.

Related: Obama Dodged Snipper Fire Scenarios

Caught on tape! McCain gettin' dirty...

McCain’s icky Education ad prompted me to dig a little deeper and find out the sex ed legislation that Obama actually supported. Here’s what I found, from McClatchy’s fact check:

As a state senator in Illinois, Obama did vote for but was not a sponsor of legislation dealing with sex ed for grades K-12. But the legislation allowed local school boards to teach "age-appropriate" sex education, not comprehensive lessons to kindergartners, and it gave schools the ability to warn young children about inappropriate touching and sexual predators.

Republican Alan Keyes tried to use Obama's vote against him in the 2004 U.S. Senate race. At the time, Obama spoke about wanting to protect young children from abuse. He made clear then that he was not supporting teaching kindergartners about explicit details of sex.

Obama spokesman Bill Burton said Tuesday of McCain's ad: "It is shameful and downright perverse for the McCain campaign to use a bill that was written to protect young children from sexual predators as a recycled and discredited political attack against a father of two young girls."

So I’d like to say thank you to McCain, for helping me to learn a bit more about my candidate.

But all jokes aside, this ad makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like, I’m nauseous right now. I think it has something to do with this screenshot:

 
What do we see here? Obama looking down, shirt ruffled, sleazy grin on his face. What do we hear? A voiceover discussing his support of comprehensive sex ed for kindergartners. And so, I wonder, what are we meant to imagine?  That Obama is looking down at a little kid in a sexual way. And what are we meant to feel, as a gut reaction? Outrage and fear.

Well it worked – I do feel outrage and fear. Outrage that McCain would stoop so low as to dip into the Birth of a Nation playbook , and fear of the filth to come out of his campaign.

Gutter politics indeed.

Related:
Time's Swampland - Apology Not Accepted
HuffingtonPost - Gutter Politics

What if...? Thoughts on teen pregnancy, Sarah Palin and reproductive rights

Couple hypotheticals…

• Close your eyes and imagine Barack Obama’s beautiful 9-year old daughter, Malia. Now imagine her 7 years older, 6 months pregnant and unwed. Would she be labeled as a courageous young woman with strong family values? Would evangelicals rally behind her? Hmm… I'm thinking NO WAY, but that's just me.

• Keep your eyes closed, but now imagine a Sarah Palin presidency with respect to reproductive rights. Roe V. Wade overturned. Abortion illegal, even in the cases of rape and incest—a position that even Cindy McCain opposes. Abstinence taught in schools (along with Creationalism! But that’s a different story). Funding cut for programs that benefit teen moms (see image below)… which would include her own daughter, Bristol. That is, if Bristol were any of the other 749,999 pregnant teens whose story wasn’t being exploited as a Family Values platform by the RNC.

4 steps back. 0 steps forward. And you know what stings the most? All this regression will come at the hands of one of our own, a woman.

(Props to Field Negro/ArtMaggot for the first image)

Related:
Freakonomics - The Numbers on Teen Pregnancy
The Field Negro - Sarah Get Your Gun
Jezebel - Ask Not What Bristol Palin Can Do For You, Ask What Sarah Palin Can Do For Your Pregnant Daughter