CheapThrills

The twists that shocked the nation

Came across this Black hair article a few days ago in the New York Times—you know, discussing good hair, bad hair, wearing hair natural vs. relaxing it chemically. This seems to be a hot topic since Malia Obama’s been wearing her hair in… get ready for it… twists! Shocking! God, it’s like the general public has never been exposed to a normal Black girl wearing normal Black hairstyles. Wonder why?

I work at an ad agency… but I can safely point the finger at advertising for really messing up perceptions of what “normal” hair looks like. Even “normal” Black hair.

Growing up, I never believed I had nice hair. Because my hair never looked like the girls in the Pantene ads. Even after a whole day of washing and blow-drying my hair “straight,” it was still poofy as ever. It didn’t shine and bounce and flow over my shoulders. Even after I convinced my mom to buy a whole bunch of Pantene, it still didn’t look right. On the contrary, the products made my hair brittle and dry.

Thanks a lot, Pantene.

The problem is, we NEVER see normal Black hairstyles in hair product advertising. Even when there’s a woman of color in the ad. It’s mind-boggling. Like this Pantene Relaxed and Natural ad? Most Black women don’t have REAL hair like either one of these chicks. In fact, it’s really hard for me to believe that this is real hair. Those curls are virtually unachievable without hours at the salon. And the straight ‘do looks like a weave. I’m pretty sure it is one.

Give me some real hairstyles and real hair. Whether it’s relaxed, natural, short, long, whatever. Maybe that way the country won’t get all in a tizzy over some damn twists. Geez.

The most frightening TV spot ever created

The lean at the end seals the deal.

Caught on tape! McCain gettin' dirty...

McCain’s icky Education ad prompted me to dig a little deeper and find out the sex ed legislation that Obama actually supported. Here’s what I found, from McClatchy’s fact check:

As a state senator in Illinois, Obama did vote for but was not a sponsor of legislation dealing with sex ed for grades K-12. But the legislation allowed local school boards to teach "age-appropriate" sex education, not comprehensive lessons to kindergartners, and it gave schools the ability to warn young children about inappropriate touching and sexual predators.

Republican Alan Keyes tried to use Obama's vote against him in the 2004 U.S. Senate race. At the time, Obama spoke about wanting to protect young children from abuse. He made clear then that he was not supporting teaching kindergartners about explicit details of sex.

Obama spokesman Bill Burton said Tuesday of McCain's ad: "It is shameful and downright perverse for the McCain campaign to use a bill that was written to protect young children from sexual predators as a recycled and discredited political attack against a father of two young girls."

So I’d like to say thank you to McCain, for helping me to learn a bit more about my candidate.

But all jokes aside, this ad makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like, I’m nauseous right now. I think it has something to do with this screenshot:

 
What do we see here? Obama looking down, shirt ruffled, sleazy grin on his face. What do we hear? A voiceover discussing his support of comprehensive sex ed for kindergartners. And so, I wonder, what are we meant to imagine?  That Obama is looking down at a little kid in a sexual way. And what are we meant to feel, as a gut reaction? Outrage and fear.

Well it worked – I do feel outrage and fear. Outrage that McCain would stoop so low as to dip into the Birth of a Nation playbook , and fear of the filth to come out of his campaign.

Gutter politics indeed.

Related:
Time's Swampland - Apology Not Accepted
HuffingtonPost - Gutter Politics

Beyoncé's washed-out L'Oreal ad and role models

Beyoncé’s L’Oreal print ad (shown to the right, in which she appears totally whitewashed) has been sparking discussion all over the blogosphere. I was reading some thoughts presented by one of my daily reads, The Black Snob, and came across a comment to her post that went something like this:

"…who cares how light or dark Beyonce is? She is an incredibly talented singer and she has done well for herself. She doesn't go out and get trashed or forget to wear important articles of clothing under short skirts, like certain other celebrities. Actually, she is one of the few celebrities I would actually call a good role model. It's really none of my business what shade her skin is.”

This really got me to thinking. Does the commenter have a point? Is Beyoncé a good role model? Why do we all seem to care so much about her complexion?

I had to travel back in time to find my answers to these questions. Back to when I was about 10.  Even though my mom wore her hair natural, I seriously believed that light skin and straight hair were the norm.

Why? Well, ever notice that there are virtually no ads on TV or in mainstream fashion magazines for Black beauty products?

Truth be told, advertising lied to me on a daily basis.  Ads for hair dyes, foundations, lip sticks – all of it. I’d watch a Pantene TV spot and then save up my allowance for a bottle shampoo because I thought it’d make my thick curly hair flow in the wind.

Notice, you'll never find a disclaimer on a Pantene ad that says, "Our advanced Pro-V Formula will not work for Black hair. No matter how many times you use it." After many failed attempts, months of savings spent and a few tears shed, I realized that Pantene would never do for me what it claimed it could do for everyone.

So finally, at the age of 11, I got my hair chemically relaxed. When I walked out of the beauty parlor, I had straight hair down to my waist that the wind could carry effortlessly.

I’d never felt such joy.

Now, we see beautiful high-profile Black women taking the Pro-V standard of beauty (the White standard, really) and emulating it. Women like Tyra Banks (shown), sporting fake hair every day. Claiming she’s a “slave to her weave.” Women like Beyoncé, who is becoming lighter and lighter right before our very eyes.

But in reality, they are projecting the ultimate lie. They’re celebrating this phony ideal that little Black girls will try to achieve. That little Black girls have been trying to achieve for years.

And lying does not a good role model make.

Beyoncé's L’Oreal ad? That’s not African-American beauty. That’s someone else’s beauty. I'd like to see a little more of ours.

Related:
Jezebel: Photoshop of Horrors
Guardian: Mighty White
Afrobella: Whitewash and Photoshop
Racialicious: Feria Can Lighten Anything You Want
E! Online: We Didn't Lighten Beyonce. Honest.

This is your brain. This is your brain on hope.

This MoveOn.org ad for Obama is freaking dorky, to say the least. Would've been funnier had it been a bit more over-the-top... though I do like the "sorry mom!" crying bit.  But the "brain on hope" ending - EEK (Sidenote: the guy holding the chick is none other than Rider Strong, the third "hunk" to appear in my Cutest MEN of 1994 scrapbook). This ad reminds me of the unintentionally hilarious anti-drug ad from 1987 (below), which I found just as goofy at the age of 4 (when it came out) as I do now.

Open Letter: Talking politics with Google Adsense doesn’t make sense

Dear Google Adsense,

What are you trying to do to me? Isn’t your service called Google Adsense? Aren’t you supposed to “match ads to [my] site's content… ads so well-matched, in fact, that [my] readers will actually find them useful”? You do a marginal job at best, and when it really counts you fail miserably.

What am I referring to, you ask? I'll tell you what: these stupid GOP ads. I hardly ever even mention their candidate by name (exemplified by the screenshot below, taken from a May post), and yet you continue to serve this crummy animated GIF at the bottom of 9 out of 10 of my political posts.

I wish you’d just sit down and read my blog once it a while. Understand it. Because right now, I feel like you don’t get me at all – like we’re not on the same page in this relationship. I really don’t want to end things with you, but it might come to that if you keep misinterpreting my feelings.

Best,
Ryan 

And to my readers – please ignore the GOP ad that’s probably at the bottom of this post. Clearly, I do not support their candidate’s campaign.

Calling all YouTube lovers - Send me your secret list of awesome clips!

Hey. You there. Do you spend entirely too much time on YouTube? Do you scour the site for funny clips? E-mail blast your friends with “besties”? Post particularly provocative clips on your Facebook profile or Twitter them to show strangers just how witty you really are?

Yes? Well then I’ve got a fun project for you. I’ll be writing a weekly column on The Madison Avenue Journal called Commercial Worthy, where I will be exploring the T.V.-commercial-potential of all my favorite YouTube vids.

Of course, after years of YouTube addiction I’ve got tons of clips – but I’d also love your input. If you keep a list of awesome clips, or if you come across one that you think would make a great commercial video, comment on this post with a link or e-mail me a tip. If I find the video particularly commercial-worthy, I might write it up.

And check out the column, which will run every Thursday on TMAJ.

Update: ... or Wednesday. Check out my first column.

Hangover prevention

I think Gatorade needs a new consumer insight to play off of, because their messaging really isn’t reaching a large, super-special group of dedicated consumers: Young Professionals Whose Definition Of Networking = Drinking Too Many Cocktails 5 Night A Week. You know who you are, and you know you down a jug of fruit punch Gatorade before passing out to prevent a morning hangover.

Gatorade! Embrace your consumers!

Also, I just think these swirly images are rad. It’s not animated (focus on one football-looking thing and the image will stop moving). Neat! Should totally be used in an advertisement.

For more scary unique ad ideas, check my man Matt Brand’s blog, BrandSpankin’.

Britney Spears' VMA performance reactions... I feel violated!

I’m sorry, but I just can’t help it. I mean, this Britney Spears performance is just so horrible that's it's well... captivating. I'm left with all these feelings, some that I've never even felt before!

Why does she skid to a stop every time she clomps across the stage? It’s like she has to catch her balance from walking. That confuses me!

Why does she haphazardly grope the dancers? She's that scary aunt at your 2nd cousin’s wedding who keeps secretly coping a feel on all the distant relatives. That makes me feel, strange!

Why doesn’t she smile? Or at least look alive? That makes me scared!

The best is the audience pans. Diddy looks like he’s about to rip apart the Week 1 Making The Band hopefuls (2:07). Rihanna isn’t even paying attention (0:37). And 50 Cent – that’s 50 Cent there, right? – well he just looks confused and embarrassed, like he’s watching Poison Ivy 3 with his mom (0:50).

But, at least Britney’s getting some press. Maybe her abysmal performance was just a press ploy - because now everyone’s talking, that’s for sure.

CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/10/behind.vmas/index.html 

NYTImes: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/10/arts/music/10mtv.html?ref=arts

Gawker (the comments are classic): http://gawker.com/news/i-cry-watching-the-days/britney-spears-performs-at-mtvs-video-music-awards-298070.php

Sexy Victoria's Secret models don't make me want to buy boots

I got this email from Victoria’s Secret today. Now let me say, I’m a big fan of Vicky’s. I love shopping for underclothes in the stores, I love the semi-annual sale, I love flipping through the catalogue, and I also love shopping on the website. In fact, purchasing clothes and bathing suits through victoriassecret.com is THE ONLY fashion e-commerce that I participate in; you can’t find this stuff in the stores and I have a general feel for the sizes (but as a general rule of thumb, I believe that shopping is WAY TOO MUCH FUN to do from your sofa—as Carrie Bradshaw puts it, “shopping is my cardio!).

But sometimes I feel betrayed by Victoria’s Secret. Are they trying to one-up me? Are they trying to PROVE (with skimpy outfits, make-up, airbrushing, and photoshop) that their models are sexier than their consumers?

Victoria’s Secret, remember who your target is! I’m not a pre-pubescent boy. I’m not a mid-life-crisis- suffering man. On the contrary, I’m a strong, smart, and sexy woman. I am your target demo-the majority of your consumers are just like me. We revel in buying clothes that make us feel confident and powerful. We love to own the sidewalk when we strut to a restaurant opening.  In our minds, we run our lives intelligently and vivaciously. And we get what we want.

And I’m sorry, but while this add might make a boy want to become a man a few years ahead of schedule; it DOES NOT make me want to buy boots. Rather, it makes me want to whack Adriana Lima (this model pictured) with these stupid gold boots and tell her to eat a cupcake—maybe that’ll make her stop pouting once and for all.

So Victoria's Secret, please try a little harder to understand your audience. You’ve got a great product, and you’ve worked hard to establish a strong brand. But these ads suck. I don’t want this in my inbox on a Monday afternoon.

Ladies (and men, sure), what do you think? Are you compelled to cash in on the 20% boot deal after viewing this ad?

12 templates for all 30-second spots?

Just came across this article on Slate. It discusses former Creative Director Donald Gunn’s 12 “master formulas” for any and all 30-second spots. Also includes a slide show.

Personally, I’m a fan of the “ongoing characters and celebrities” approach. They always end up wacky.

What’s your favorite? Or do you even buy into the idea that there are 12 master templates? Not sure if I do.

So I propose this: I will give a special prize to the first 3 people who find a commercial that doesn’t fit into any of these models. The prize is this: A hardback copy of the Age of Conversation! Signed! Maybe even a Jumbo Edition!

Good luck…I’m sure someone will find a spot that breaks this old mold…

PS - Here's a video version of the slide show.

Douche with Lysol... your dreams will come true!

Hehe... I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself. This ad doesn't even make any sense! If she smells so bad, he wouldn't be indifferent. He'd get up and run away, wouldn't he? I mean, he'd do something... here he's just sitting in the foul air. Silly strategists.

Ick... Asbestos WTC ad

I caught this on Gawker today. Short description from their post: "The ad is from 1981, which was around the time that asbestos manufacturers were starting to take serious heat for their cancer-causing product."

Anyway, thought my ad/marketing collegues might find this interesting. Actually, no, that's not entirely accurate. In truth, I hope it makes you all want to vomit.