I have a friend who’s on Match.com. We spent a couple minutes perusing profiles, paying particular attention to the “my date” criteria. On Match, people can select all the things they’re looking for in a date, ethnicity included. We found one guy who checked off every box except African American. But why? We needed answers!
So we decided to do some investigating.
My friend sent the guy a note. She wrote something she thought he’d actually respond to – i.e., her friend’s interest in him (which was purely fabricated, let me add). Here’s her email:
stumbled upon your profile.
I've got a friend with me who thinks you are interesting.
She's wondering why you don't list African Americans in your dating preferences?
She's super cute and athletic - very smart and working in advertising.
We didn’t really expect him to respond. Too blunt of a question for someone to address, we thought. But he did! Go Match guy!
Subject: The answer to all your questions.........
Dear Match Maker,
First off I'd like to say that I'm flattered by the fact that you are investing time in me for your friends benefit not to mention the easy on the eyes statement your GF has made about me.
The answer to your question is really quite simple. I have it way bad for the dark haired, olive to dark skinned, exotic, ethnic beauties of various backgrounds. I've probably only dated 3 blondes in my life so I know the look that trips my trigger & I'm very consistent. While I never discriminate, here on match there is some criteria that I leave up to my discretion so as not to waist others time or have me being matched up w/ women I'm simply not attracted to. I prefer to be selective in the African American category & while I may be missing many an opportunity based on others viewing my preferences & passing me by I'd like to believe the girl for me knows that there are certainly exceptions to the rule & more importantly the answer is no if you don't ask. Basically no different than if a guy views your profile & his income is only $68k, should he pass you over or take a chance. I believe our profiles are simply a guideline but not cast in stone.
Long story short the answer to your question is yes I'm open to dating African Americans, I've yet to although I do have several female friends.
So many interesting and weird things here. Before I comment on this, I’ll say that I appreciate the guy’s willingness to answer the question as openly and honestly as he did.
Okay. Moving on.
Clearly his type – “dark haired, olive to dark skinned, exotic, ethnic beauties of various backgrounds” – encompasses African-American women and women of African descent… right? (I mean, with all those “other than White” code words like “exotic” and “ethnic”). In fact, his type doesn’t seem to describe Caucasian women at all. Or, at the very least, based on his email I’d think he’d choose to be as select with Caucasians as he would with African-Americans. So why did he check the Caucasian box? So as not to discriminate or miss out on an opportunity, so it seems. Which is contradictory to why he doesn’t include African-American women in his litany of ethnicity preferences.
But nonetheless, if you’re a Black woman and you’re not
deterred by his total dismissal of “the African American category”, you must
come to him. Because you could be the
lucky exception to his rule! All you gotta do is ASK (otherwise the answer’s
no… which it was anyway because he states plainly on his profile that he’s not
in to you). Like his ideal African-American woman needs to cower to him. So
So to make a short story even shorter, my friend:
Just a thought.