CheapThrills

Cute boys, the boring lives of 12 year-olds and Barack Obama

With all the “That boy is sooooo fine!” “I’m going to sneak behind my mom’s back and start shaving my legs” “I can’t believe my best friend is going to try smoking… now I have to try too” “I think Bobby brushed my hand in Meeting For Worship (Quaker School, gotta love it) moments, being 12 was internally both exciting and excruciating.

But outwardly, it was boring as hell. Couldn’t date, couldn’t drive, couldn’t see any good movies, couldn’t party. The best option was to walk around the neighborhood (or, on your lucky days, the mall) and semi-flirt with Starter jacket clad boys / talk about the things you wish you could be doing if you were allowed.

And of course, there was always the option of sitting on the floor in a bookstore, drinking Café au Laits and riffling through magazines... which is what I did practically every weekend with my best friend in the whole world (who I just found out is moving to Ghana!!!).

We’d always go for the Big Three: Bop, Tiger Beat (which now appear to be one in the same) and the (apparently now defunct) Big Bopper. We’d spend hours crouched in the brand new Borders at the top of Philly’s Chestnut Hill, searching for posters of our favorite guys. Both of our bedrooms were wallpapered, floor to ceiling, with these touched up glamour shots – I even had my walls sectioned according to the crush.

I also kept a scrapbook, entitled (fittingly) The Cutest MEN of 1994. It housed all the greats of my time: Matthew Lawrence, Mike Vitar, Gabriel Damon, Luke Perry, Boyz 2 Men and my mega-crush, the late Jonathan Brandis - who actually signed my scrapbook after I stood in line for hours to meet him at the Philadelphia Car Show (I had the image to the right plastered on my wall for years... sigh).

Anyway, this Tiger Beat cover shown below is from ages ago, I know, but that doesn’t really matter for the purposes of this post because I’m still thinking about it. The whole thing is hilarious, no question, but isn’t it also borderline inappropriate for a teen (really PREteen) rag to feature a 47-year old man? With a caption placing him in his shower? NAKED? And the promise of MORE PERSONAL facts?

It’s too easy to imagine myself meticulously cutting out Obama smiling faces from magazines, taping them into my scrapbook and scribbling the caption “Obama is SO fine!” in purple marker next to each one. Because, for realz, that Giant Obama Poster would have definitely made it to the wall. Which is ridiculously ridiculous and just a tad terrifying.

Related:
The Black Snob
The Onion

The South End needs to dance!

The Most Depressing Image: 10-12 young ladies, decked out in shiny little dresses, 5” heels and entirely too much makeup, bouncing with excitement and glee towards Stella. Or Banq (come on BanQ, get over yourself with that damn Q!). Or, worst of all, The Beehive – a South End jazz bar with an inappropriately large ego, demonstrated by their holding up the line every empty weekday night.

What makes me want to cry is that these beauties have no idea that the place they’re so keen on going, the place they’ve heard so much about, is 90% restaurant, 8% bar, and 2% bar seating area. They’ll spend an entire night shifting from foot to foot as their shoes become more and more uncomfortable, sipping $15 drinks and wondering when the party will actually begin.

But alas. This is the party. Swank and sexy at times, sure, but in desperate need of a little revving...

Can you believe that there’s no spot in the South End where patrons can shake it a little on the dance floor? This baffles me, what with all the crazy money-spenders, pseudo-celebrities, young couples and uber-handsome gay men that the South End attracts. I thought the owners of Mantra would bring some dancing to the South End with Banq, but the only thing they carried were their leather-clad fans (seriously, I’ve seen red dominatrix outfits in Banq) and general not-quite-right-ness.

I’m thinking Stella will make the move first. They’ve actually got a hidden gem of a back room (who knew?) equipped with a relaxed bar, plenty of floor space and room for a DJ booth. Weekend dance parties at Stella would be huge – a fulfilling blend of Stella’s millennium-chic and, er, movement.

Because there are too many bars in the neighborhood for sitting standing around and acting cooler than you actually are. I want to go to a South End bar and end up making ridiculous dance-y faces like this:

Or this:

... or maybe even this (if it’s been an incredibly good night):

In defense of Barry Blitt's New Yorker Obama cover

 You all know that I’m the first one to point out all things offensive. I call out any –ism wherever I see it – from media coverage and interviews to New York streets and Boston watering holes.

So it might come as a surprise when I say that I find Barry Blitt's June 21st New Yorker cover (shown above) quite provocative and necessary.

Some say that the image merely parrots attacks we've already seen; that it contributes and/or reinforces instead of parodies. In addition, both the Obama and McCain camps have expressed their outrage over the cover, in addition to countless bloggers and media pundits.

But I understand each element of this cover as pure satire in an attempt to depict all the absolutely ridiculous ways that the Obamas have been illustrated, in an absolutely ridiculous and almost routine way. Let’s go through each element one by one.

1. Barack's outfit. Clearly Muslim attire (sandals and all). Satirizes the myth that Barack Obama is Muslim, and furthermore, that being Muslim is somehow a bad, scary thing (oh, the horror of a Muslim in the Oval Office!).
2. Barack's glance. It’s saying “Yeah, I’m in the Oval Office now. What you gonna do about it?” I think this is a nod to two attacks: a) the idea that Obama is somehow elitist/above it all and doesn’t really care about the needs/wants of the American people, 2) the idea that he’s secretive and mysterious – he has his own hidden, “terrorist” agenda.
3. The fist bump. It became shockingly clear the right-wing MSM had no clue about African-American culture after Barack and Michelle’s nomination dap. And, I think, this realization frightened the beejesus out of them. So again, we can see the New Yorker’s depiction here as a satire of the right-wing’s fear of the unknown, and in turn, their spinning it into something foreign, secretive and suspicious. I understand this bump as a satire of what Fox News called a “terrorist fist jab”, and also another depiction of the Obamas “taking over the good ol’ U.S.A.” in scary, “un-American” ways.
4. Bin-Laden portrait on the wall. I think that one’s obvious.
5. Burning American flag. A satire to the whisper that Obama is “unpatriotic” and “not really a true American.” We can look back to all man-on-the-street interviews from the West Virginia primary for a reference of what Blitt is satirizing.
6. Michelle's outfit. Camo pants, military boots and machine gun all reference that militant, Black Panther, Black Power image that many Americans seem to be terrified of. She’s the African-American who hates “whitey” and is secretly plotting to mow down every golf course and Yacht club this side of the Atlantic.
7. Michelle's Afro, big lips, hand on hip. Ok, here’s the one that many people are struggling with, as these characteristics come straight from the African-American stereotype playbook. But I see this depiction as a satire of Michelle Obama, the “angry Black woman” – a label that Fox News has been trying to pin on her for months. Her whole stance screams, “<sucks teeth> Sheeeit, I will CUT you if you come to close. Don’t mess.” And clearly, Michelle Obama looks, talks, thinks, acts nothing like the “angry Black woman” stereotype, and that’s why I think this depiction works.

Perhaps each element is mundane, as we've heard all of these attacks before. But maybe 1,000% over-the-top + mundane is exactly what the American public needs to truly see the routine, casual racism that the Obamas have had to endure. In fact, I’d venture to say that if this cover were toned down at all, THEN it would be offensive. Because a slight reference to all the “scary elements” that people have been trying to pin on the Obamas might go unnoticed or overlooked. One might see a toned down cover (perhaps Obama with a headwrap, Michelle with hand-on-hip and boots, perhaps) and think, “Yep, that’s the Obamas. Very true to life.”

But this depiction is patently and unashamedly satire. And I think this crazy cover will force people to a) really reflect upon all of the offensive labels and attacks that have been hurled at the Obamas, and b) keep their eyes open for other attacks that might fall into the satirized categories.

And, hopefully, the outcome will be a readiness to see through inherently racist attacks as both sickeningly silly and tediously tiresome.

Related:
Huffington Post, with other Blitt covers: Barry Blitt Defends His New Yorker Cover Art of Obama
Gawker Opinion

Snapshot in time vs. repurposing for the future

Off to the orgasm capital of the world!

I'll be out of the country on vacation for two weeks (yay!). While I'm away, here's a fun graph and some interesting stats to ponder. So many questions come to mind... Have we finally discovered the reason why Italians seem to radiate that intense euphoric glow? Why isn't hypersexualized France higher on the list?  What exactly is going on with China?

Anyway, dear readers, Happy July! I'll be back on the 14th with more than a few fun stories from Europe.

Related - Reuters: Chinese struggle to orgasm, easier for the Italians

Diversity in Boston’s South End: Melting Pot? Maybe not.

When I first moved to Boston's South End two years ago, I was absolutely delighted by the prospect of a multicultural neighborhood in Boston. I grew up in Philadelphia, which, after living in Boston for 8 years, seemed like the bastion of diversity. I know that’s not entirely true, but nevertheless one can enter a nice downtown restaurant without being “the only one”.

Here in Boston, the landscape is a bit different. At BU, I was one of about 780 African-American undergrads (out of, say, 15,000?). Spotting a Black person the B line is a feat unto itself. And the neighborhoods… man oh man, the neighborhoods… they’re just so, segregated. North End = Italian. Southie = Irish. Beacon Hill = Rich and White. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that most large cities boast proud pockets of different cultural groups. That’s just a product of American history. But the Little Italy’s and Chinatowns are balanced out by thriving diverse middle-class neighborhoods. And an integrated downtown area, where all can come to enjoy the city.

Not here. You might see a bunch of Black kids laughing it up on the streets of Downtown Crossing, but try spotting a well-to-do Black family dining at Ivy. You might ride the Silver Line with African-Americans and Asians and Latinos, but you’d never see the same mix at the Starbucks just outside the bus’ doors. I know that there are tons of Black people in Boston, but somehow they're all living in one of three neighborhoods, located at the end of the subway lines. The “scary” neighborhoods.

This diversity problem is so bad that my (mostly white) group of friends remark every time they visit: “Okay, are we in the Twilight Zone? Where are all the Black people in this city?” People might think it’s entirely within reason for a large American city to be so segregated, but I’m here to tell you, IT’S NOT NORMAL!

So this is why I was so psyched to find the South End. At first glance, the neighborhood does appear to be incredibly diverse.

But when I look closer, I can see that the races aren’t mixing. They’re just overlapping. Subsidized housing bumps into the Villa Victoria, which bumps into 6 million dollar condos, which bump into Chinatown. Instead of an orchestral melody that one might find in Philly’s Mount Airy, the South End often grates at my ears like a clashing cacophony of sounds.

I often wonder whether the South End set-up is an optimal first step towards a more diverse Boston. Perhaps the answer is yes. After all, how can we learn more about each other without co-existing? But I also fear that smashing groups of people together who share no common lifestyle threads might create and/or deepen racial stereotypes, prejudices and anger. Like the “I wish those Project kids would quit it with the freaking firecrackers!” or “Why do these Chinese people always cut the bus line!” anger, which has sneaked up on me from time to time.

In truth, the fact that these kinds of thoughts even deign to creep into my mind (because I fancy myself quite culturally-aware and open) absolutely terrifies me, and also makes me wonder if others aren’t plagued with the same kinds of bitter thoughts. And if they are, well that can’t be a tasty ingredient for the melting pot.

The All-New Pontiac.com – I know I never write about work...

Update: The site has been taken down for a bit... so I guess we can just call these screengrabs "exclusive spy shots" (b/c I'm so damn important)

...but what can I say, the new Pontiac.com gets me giddy. The redesigned, rewritten, re-everythinged site launched today after months and months of work by a tireless and tenacious team of some of the brightest people I know.

The new site boasts a ton of fresh dynamic features - my favorites being 1) the ability to save information that's of particular interest to you (favorite vehicles, nearby dealerships, etc) and 2) the myriad ways users can narrow down their vehicle searches.

Customers can even search by the monthly rate they’d like to pay, which is probs the tool I’d find most helpful. Oh, and also, users engage in all this so-called “narrowing down” by sliding a fun little do-dad (see photo above). The whole process is very quick, clean and intuitive.

But from the copywriter on the account’s perspective, I think the coolest thing about the new site is its enhanced visuals and voice (haha, of course I’d say that). Say what you want about Pontiac, the brand's got identity. It’s got presence. And I think that the peeps at Pontiac should be commended for their willingness and enthusiasm to push that voice to its farthest limits (which, in turn, not only made my job easier, but also infinitely more exciting).

First, the animation and copy on the home page is true-to-form Pontiac: bold and in-your-face.

Second, the flash animation and Pontiac-y highlight tiles on each vehicle’s Model Overview page (here's the '09 Vibe for an example) really work to envelope the user in that “rockin’ out” Pontiac voice.

And finally, no question the new Pontiac.com voice's pièce de résistance is the Experience Pontiac section, which houses all content related to Pontiac culture (music, sports, photos, history, original video content, promotions, etc). This section of the site really uses language, visuals, and supporting content to bring Pontiac's brand identity to the next level.

So there’s a little scoop on the new Pontiac.com from (one of) its copywriters. In my opinion, the new site is more Pontiac than Pontiac... what does that mean? Is it a good or bad thing? Well - that's up to you.

Racist / derogatory language and Facebook profiles - What's your code of conduct?

If you’re not into updating your Entourage or throwing vampires, the only real thing to do on Facebook is to check out your friend’s profiles. You know… read their updates, comment on their photos, peruse their walls.

So about a year ago, I was scanning a family member’s MySpace page and came across some very disturbing language. His page was littered with the n-word – used by both his friends and he himself.

I can’t say that I know the full context of his posse’s word choice. Perhaps they use the word all the time? Perhaps it’s an inside joke? Who knows. But the thing is, I do know my family member (a cousin on my Caucasian side) – we grew up together, and had always been somewhat close. So, while I felt it would be inappropriate to write a public message on his profile decrying the language, I did think it would be entirely within my familial limits to mention my unease to his brother (who I am much closer with). Our conversation was quite illuminating… and somewhat sad. In the end, I felt it best not to bring up my concern with the cousin in question.

Admittedly, I’m listening in on someone else’s conversation by reading his or her public wall. But public walls are, for all intents and purposes, meant for all to see. In fact, in the Facebook/MySpace world, one’s wall is a living, breathing testament to one’s popularity.

Since this incident, I’ve been wondering what I’d do if the same thing ever occurred with a close friend or family member whose life I am an integral part of - a sister, a brother, a best friend, etc. Is it enough to remind said person that you love them dearly? Does this type of situation warrant a more in-depth discussion (of course, not out of anger, but out of love)? Or is "letting it go" the best approach?

Boston Celtics parade: Confetti and a shirtless Big Baby

Ran down to the Celtics parade with some co-workers (ah, the joys of working downtown!). I forgot my actual camera, so I snapped a few photos with my phone. And then I jacked a few from a friend, who was smart enough to bring his camera.

Here comes Lucky, kicking things off with massive amounts of confetti.

Paul Pierce and cigar

Garnett and trophy. Umm, hello awesome.

Ray Allen - what what?!??!

On the silly tip, freakin' Rondo... he was leaning off the back of his boat over a teeny American Flag wearing a cap that was way too big for his head. He looked like a twelve year old. A Juicy Juice and a little shamrock face-paint would have topped the look completely.

And then there was Big Baby Davis...

...there are no words... :)

Congratulations Celtics!

Attack of the racist GOP pins! Maybe there's a silver lining...

There were being sold at the Texas GOP Convention. And it's only June...

But you want to know something? I'm actually happy the GOP is being so idiotically obvious with their bigotry. Crap like this will do nothing but seal the Democrats together. Like glue. This ridiculousness might even push some Moderates into our corner.

So GOP, go ahead and bring on the blackface. I double dog dare ya.

Related:
Poltico: Ben Smith's Blog